AIRPLANE!

I flew to Phoenix this past Thursday evening. Immediately I was happy as it’s a great flight since its only an hour AND this particular flight happened to be quite empty.

Since I was flying Southwest where you choose your seats, I opted to stay close to the front and in an aisle. A guy in his mid-to-late 40's was occupying the window seat, which was nice since we had room in between us.

He started to tell me that he'd grown up in Long Beach and had surfed every inch of the California coast. At one point in his life, he LIVED in his Jeep and surfed every second that it was possible. On the off days, he would detail cars. He ate beans out of the can for several years. I was fascinated. He did this for NINE years. He then joined AA and has been clean for 11 years. Now he was married, helping to raise his wife's three kids in Arizona, but was frequently flying back to his hometown to check in on a business.

We then started to talk about his mothers death. At this point, he told me I should be a reporter, as he said I was really good at asking pointed questions. I am not sure WHAT I asked to provoke this conversation, but since his earlier stories were helping along my hour flight, I wanted to hear his story.

His mother had been ravaged by cancer. I was expecting some tears or some really heavy story. I mean, he told me he took care of her for several months prior. He then told me he held her while she was dying. But this wasn't that "I wept over her ailing carcass story," but instead he was demonstrating those last few minutes….he said he was holding her up, slightly shaking her and yelling, "YEA MA….GET TO THE LIGHT MA!!!!!….GO TO THE LIGHT!!!!....LEAVE THIS F_ING PLACE AND GOOOOOO!!!! LOOK FOR THE WHITE LIGHT!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH" He demonstrated this while holding his fists up like he was at a 1960's peace rally. He told me the nurses were running into the room in complete shock while he told them to "GET OUT AND LET HER GO…" He re-dramatized this entire scenario, complete with how he was holding her, his expressions and even the volume he was yelling out.

Yes. This is a true story. He said it was one of the most profound moments of his life…I'll bet. Made me think of how sad we all get. Maybe he has the right idea.

My flight back was a little different. It was a PACKED house. Again, I found an aisle seat close to the front of the plane. I was reading my Rolling Stone (which, by the way, this month's issue with Neil Young on the front is PACKED with great stories).

As the aircraft settled in, one of the flight people got onto the intercom. She welcomed us to our flight and said there was a surprise pilot on the plane. No one was really paying any attention until she mentioned, "you'd know him from movies like "Saturday Night Live" … the plane quieted down whilst we waited to see Mr. Travolta pop his Scientological head thru the door. Instead, another flight person popped thru and said, "Gotchya! Now that we have your attention…let's talk about your seatbelts…"

As I started to ease into the Neil story in my Stone, I heard a little voice singing. The voice was really great and I immediately figured the kid singing was on her way to L.A. for an audition. But as I listened a little more closely, I heard her saying things like, "Jesus is my best friend in the world…Daddy is, too."

As I slowly creaked my head across to see where this was coming from, I nearly fell over in shock. DUDES. It was the REAL Ned Flanders and his family!! I am NOOOOT kidding you. Ned was sitting on the aisle seat. He had his puffy, mullet-like hair, the bushy mustache, the glasses, a powder blue turtleneck and Dockers. On top of that his daughter, the one who'd been singing, was about 10 and wearing an identical outfit as were the two other little boys who must have been the brother spawn. Throughout the flight, they were playing games on their little trays like, "Connect the dots for Jesus," and "Unscramble thy Lord."

I was not being a stalker, but their voices carried and much like a car crash, I could not look away. When out flight folks brought us our drinks, the singing little girl shrieked to the woman behind me (that I figured out was Mama Flanders),."Mommy…don't be jealous but I have … HOT CHOCOLATE.")

At that point, I was dying. I wanted to turn around and see who could have produced the other half of the Flanders clan.

When the flight landed and I went to grab my carry-on, I saw MF. She was draped in a BIG arce denim smock that was stitched through with butterflies and apples and was wearing a cross that looked like it was make of grass (the kind that you mow, not that you smoke.)

SO, all in all, my hour long journeys were quite entertaining, if not a little frightening.

Btw. Phoenix was a lot of fun. I always said I did not like Phoenix, but it was dislike by association (the people I was forced to hang around with made my time VERY dull). This time was pure fun and frolic.

My friend Anne had a co-joined birthday party (her and four other January b-day people) where we took TONS of pics. This one was on our roll. We are STILL figuring out WHO she is, WHERE she came from and HOW she ended up on our film!!!