My visitor last night...

I have pretty much lived on my own since I was 19, with the exception of a few live-in beau's here and there, a stint with my friends who I'd lived with when first moving to L.A., a few friends staying with me and now, my ever-loving and nippy cat. I have dealt with weird water situations (try taking a shower in the middle of a sub-zero winter when the water comes out...in chunks), drunk/brawling neighbors, three fires in my apartment (one being a lowly, Charlie Brown Xmas tree) and many other fun issues. One thing that is NOT my forte', nor has it ever been, are bugs.

The house I grew up in was infested with spiders. It seemed like everytime I moved something, a spider would scamper across it. I let the Daddy Long-legs go, but it was those furry, jumping, sometimes biting, Wolf ones that became my foe. I became a well-known spider murderer, Scrubbing Bubbles being my weapon of choice. It was never enough to chase a spider with a tissue as my experience showed, they did not always die and sometimes climbed up your arm. It was not enough to step on them, as I'd learned, sometimes, they'd live and climb up your pant leg. So instead, I would spray them until there was no movement. At least they were clean.

As I got a little older, I grew to appreciate spiders and realized if it were not for the spider family, there would probably be a slew of other problems, so now, we are friends and have made total peace.

Living in Chicago was a whole other ball of wax. It is a city afterall, and even the cleanest cities have (UGH)...roaches.

My experience in my amazing little Lincoln Park studio pad was not too bad. I think I had seen three in my five years of living there. One time, it happened while I was in the shower. What I thought was a trickle of water running down the inside of my shower curtain, turned out to be something that I screamed at, swore at and later scalded for at least a half hour. I, of course, would tell my building manager that I'd seen fifty, but still, it was never a huge problem. I did KNOW of people not to far away from that pad that had problems or the big bad word: infestations.

Having been in L.A., I have not really had any major problems, especially in my present apartment, which everyone knows, I really do consider a cozy home.

Last night, my cozy home was taken over by a bug the size of my index finger.

I was out walking, which I often do after work. I was shopping on Melrose after my walk, buying some goods, TOTALLY enjoying myself and not at all worried about a possible visitor.

When I got home, it was darker than I'd thought (its getting darker now :( ) When I opened the front door, Kitty Cat was meowing as she does but there was something more "warning-filled" in her meow. When I hit the lights, she pranced to her food dish and made all sorts of weird sounds. I just thought she wanted her food. Looks like the little monster did, too.

As I approached her dish, I saw something skitter and immediately jumped back. As I moved 1/2 an inch closer, I'd seen enough. There was a two inch monster on my cat's water fountain. And not only was it mounted there, but upon seeing me, it crawled to the top to display itself, much to my horror. And then, its tenticles started waving at me.

I panicked. I had the cat in my arms, started to sweat, shake and cry a little. We ran into the hallway as I thought things out. I called one of my friends in a panic, who of course, was not home. I thought of every person who could help me, but I knew they all were too far away. I then called my neighbors.

My neighbors rock. Girl and guy, lived in Chicago for 4 years before moving here. We met under the stress of having are cars broken into. Friends forever.

When I called, she was immediately laughing and saying, "kill it." Now, I am NOT over-dramatic (okay, sometimes), but I live in a logical head. There was NO way for me to kill it. I kept talking and walked back inside. She kept saying to kill it. I said, "its HUGE." I was now sincerely starting to weep. I was embarrassed but then the little monster MOVED...off of the fountain, onto the floor, under the cord. It could see me and I could see it and I was now in full panic mode.

Neighbor girl just had her appendix out and was belly laughing, and I felt bad. I asked if her bf was home and to PLEASE send him over. After about 8 minutes of this banter, I heard their door open.

They walked in to see me in a sweaty, weepy, awe-struck state. They were laughing until they saw it. Her first words were, "holy shit."

Neighbor guy, my new hero, walked over to it, shook his head with strategy and nailed the monster...not once, not twice but THREE times. And with that third time, I saw a leg fly.

He picked it up with napkin and we looked at it, completely wide-eyed in terror. It was as big as a large grasshopper, gross, with wings, tenticles and a smirk on its face. When one of us breathed, I thought it was still alive and screamed.

Later, my landlord came by, after I'd called moaning and groaning. My landlord had the audacity to pick it up and laugh as he shook it in my face. Bastard.

After he left, my brother called and explained to me that this type of roach is NOT an infestation type, but a flying type that probably got in thru my screen, as I'd left it open for my walk.

Whatever the case may be, I sprayed Raid, dropped Boric acid (groovy, man) and slept in a fly net last night.

UPDATE: My friend found this. Here it is... http://www.pca.state.mn.us/kids/c-october.html.