Friday, July 07, 2006

Walkin' in L.A...

As I should knock on wood before making SUCH a statement, driving has not been as harried for me lately. For some reason, the bevy of beast drivers have NOT been eating away at my soul as they've done in the past. I don't know if its my musical choices, having great air conditioning that drowns out all outside noise, the recreational drugs I've been dabbling in (jk) or if for some reason, I have been spared the pain and anguish of bad drivers as of late.

But lest I go there, there are still the drivers on the road I LOATHE:

1. The Octopus: The Octopus is the person that is eating a burger, putting on mascara or picking their nose, talking on the phone, rummaging on their passenger side seat and/or smacking their dog or child, all whilst driving their vehicle. These people are usually the ones that one might mistake for a drunk on the road, as they tend to veer over lanes while tending to all of their other "important" matters. They seem to have several sets of hands, though the most important ones are not on the wheel, nor are their eyes engaged on the road.

2. The Cutter: The Cutter isn’t necessarily late, they just can't WAIT. They cut--cut--cut off every single car in their path. If there is a traffic jam, they take it upon themselves to drive up the shoulder and make others eat their dust, even when the line has been politely waiting. They somehow squeeze their cars in just because they can and want to. They insist on weaving in and out. Who knows. Maybe its some sort of pent up energy. It's their world, we are just living in it.

3. The Blinker, 1 & 2: There are two types of Blinkers: Blinker #1 is the person that NEVER turns off their stinkin' blinker! No one knows where they are going, what their next move is and whether to be on the offense or defense. The other Blinker, Blinker #2 does not USE a blinker! They weave in and out, bobbing their heads while humming songs of peace, freedom and happiness while those around them dodge the bullet of these hellions of the road!

4.The Braker:Brake.Drive.Brake.Drive.Noreason.Justbrakingbecausetheycan.Brake.Drive.
Especially.irritating.on.freeways.when.there.is.a.nice.long.stretch.of.nothing.and.they.just.stop.Brake.Drive.Brake.Drive.Especiallyscarywhengoinguparamp.Brake.Drive.Brake.Drive.

5. The Rollers: They live on my street. I deal with them daily. Rollers don't believe in stop signs -- they just go through. They don't care that there are three other cars that might possibly be in the right to go, they just fly through the sign, smugly going on their merry way. Forget it if you are on a bike or blades, pray now, head for a ditch.

The list is endless. This is only the beginning.

1 comment:

Jennie said...

Oh Bunnie, I so totally agree with all of these and couldn't have said it better. The only other type of driver I would add is the Honkers: They are behind you at a red light that turns green and .0000001/second passes and they honk at you to go. They pass you and honk to let you know they are in that lane. They pull up to someone's house in your neighborhood and honk to announce their arrival (oooooh I hate those mother-effers with the white-hot intensity of a thousand Angelina Jolies)